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Home Results/Fixtures Rankings Match Report Rules	The Fight for 3rd Spot (by the Captain of the Nuts!!) Well after the trauma, nay pill popping drama-dey of the semifinals, where Nadal's Nuts needed to play a doubles not once, not twice, but thrice.....poor opponent Stuart M cancelling everything but the kitchen sink to get to Battersea park, where he was met by? Ermmm well NO NUTS!!! thats what.........eventually the suave and debonair Lord Laud's team the deserving winners of the semifinal and eventually the whole Slammer shebang. But thats another story.... So we NUTS girdled our loins, strung our rackets and ironed our agassi retro denim shorts, well i did...until i realised the label said waist size 31... Anyways, the fight for 3rd spot had begun. Tense nervous moments ensued as the team orders were determined; where would they place Norman ? would Darell be put into bat in first place, where would Sam and David figure? What tictacs would the Sabatini's employ? The NUTS consulted amongst themselves and over virtual coffee agreed the lineup...The redoutable Slammer Captain Dean Louw (so where the hell in Austria are you???) keeping us all clean!! Things kicked off well, with fellow NUT ...the Italian Stallion Luigi proving too strong for Sam - i can just see those forehands ripping across the court. A commanding start and 1-0 to the NUTS If that was'nt enough to keep the NUTS happy, Luigi teamed with experienced Stevan - talking Italian? how many languages can this man convert? - to win a well fought tassle with David (Legs 11 no less) and Sam. 10pm on 22nd July, the place ITC, the battle.... Stephen aka Shell Winters and Darell C ( C for ......ermm how good is that serve and forehand). Seriously contemplating going to the pub instead at such a late hour...ooops Dean no sorry, please edit that out...... we arrived for a battle royale... Sensing Darell smelling revenge for a defeat in the RR stage, Shelly got there early (for those of you who saw me at ITC at 6pm in my Xanadu one-piece, keep your traps shut...) to apply some much needed restringing to his hips and glutes... On the other side of town the other NUT, Simon (Dairy Queen) Wood put down his milk pales and sharpened his double handed terrors. On the other side the man who never smiles.... Norman (does he always come to the net?) Liu.. (of course i jest, frankly is there anyone who smiles less than lovely Mr Liu....ok editor stop, its War!!) Back at ITC, it was clear from the off Darell meant business and with a mixture of too many unforceds from Mr Webb and ripping forehands winners and deep backhands from Mr Carey, the Sabatini took an early 3-0 lead. Lips pursed, Captain Nut towled down and looked for the marbles he popped into his bag earlier... 3-0 became 4-0.... before a service hold, after much tense breathing exercises (though an aim to re-create Holzen-Sharpova's wristband sniffing proved futile) calmed the seas. Darell was on a roll and it has to be said, playing perfect tennis, took his lead to 6-1......the sliced backhands and ripping forehands damaging the Shelly fortress. The fightback.... smelling defeat, Captain Nut swiftly broke serve with some deep returns and then forced the issue with a service hold. 6-3...some great rallies, but Darell roars out the winner. On the other side of town, Mr Wood battled bravely, but the elegant and powerful Mr Liu scored the win. Both teams stood at 2 wins apiece, it came down to games and as in the RR stage, Nadal's Nuts came out on top by 1 game. Match Report by Stephen Webb Patrick H bt Mark Galvin 7-1 The Twin Towers!!! The ever demure Mr Holzen-Sharapova took on the popular Oiirish (To Be Sure!!) man Mr Galvin. A lengthy warm up (watched by Misters Webb, Wood and Eyo from the sidelines, all eyebrows raised at the clock… tick tock!!) ended with H-S (Holzen-Sharapova.. If you please) winning the toss and opting to serve. A fierce baseline battle thus began with both boys displaying their powerful Forehands and H-S displaying a rather comfortable (too confortable, damn it!!) and well grooved double handed backhand. Both players held serve to 2-1. About to serve, Galvinella paused midcourt to tie his fine wavy locks (the bench admired the Jaclyn Smith style bounce…) in a bun that had fellow team mate Shelly Webb reminiscing of the days when pushing his wedge flick out of his eyes was a regular occurrence. However, the bun came undone (as it were..) as 3 double faults enabled H-S (all controlled breathing and measured stepsby this stage) to start to take charge. By this stage the bench noticed H-S sniffing his wrist band almost after every point - a spray of his favourite cologne, enabling him to take a sniff to reward good play - clearly our man from Cork (pop!!!) was in for a touch ride. The battle continued, with touch baseline rallies the order of the day and it has to be said H-S performing some remarkable retrieval with foot work his DIVA could only dream of. The match raced away with a score line that did no justice to the competitive nature of the play. Mark did Monica's boys proud and R-H-S (by this stage the bench added a royal peerage…) took the plaudits and the Six Pistols took a 3-0 lead. Match Report by Stephen Webb Simon Wood/Ekpo Eyo bt Stephen Webb/Mark Galvin 7-4 All or Nothing!!! Could Monica's Boys restore some pride to an embattled team? A toss of the coin gave the advantage to the younger team (can u guess which??) Galvinella adjusted his bun and Shelly adjusted his …….. Well lets just keep it at adjusted… and the fast improving Ekpo (its V for venus don’t you know) kicking off the match. Some energetic doubles play saw games go with serve to 2-1. Stepping up to serve, Shelly just hoped his recent lower back twinge would stay slumbering , coseted under the pain relief gel applied an hour earlier. A second serve into the body of his partner Galvinella, raised some groans and indeed eyebrows to go down 0-30. Still the game ole bird still does not down without a scrap and convincing serving (and slightly pursed lips) took the match to 2-2. Ekpo stepped up and another convincing service game (someone's been working on their second serve, Mr Tournament Director sir!!). Next up was Galvinella, who again adjusting his bun ( Shelly pondered, Kathy Horvath? No Lisa Bonder surely...) talked tactics with his partner…. Or did we discuss Lady Gaga's cuticles? Anyway, thrown off course slightly a quick break went to the other side and a 4-2 lead. The ever reliable Mr Wood, produced some great net play to roar his team to a 5-2 lead. Shelly stepped up and serving well adjusted the deficit to 5-3. Now Monica's boys were tasting a break, and EYO!!! Were again undone by some great serving from Venus's number one fan (titters were raised when he tried to convince the gallery that the Moulin Rouge outfit was anything more than a HOee's dogs dinner). 6-3 and Ireland's finest steps up to serve, smelling a second wind (!!!) some great doubles play closes the gap.	Lips pursed, Captain Nut towled down and looked for the marbles he popped into his bag earlier... So we NUTS girdled our loins, strung our rackets and ironed our agassi retro denim shorts, well i did...until i realised the label said waist size 31... Galvinella adjusted his bun and Shelly adjusted his … Well lets just keep it at adjusted… By this stage the bench noticed H-S sniffing his wrist band almost after every point - a spray of his favourite cologne, enabling him to take a sniff to reward good play
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